BEWARE OF SMALL FURRY ANIMALS

Small furry animals and rodents spread disease. Prairie dogs gave us monkey pox. Civet cat gave us SARS. Rats gave us the bubonic plague. Keep only large animals as pets. Rats should be in traps not your lap (my apologies to my friends who are rat lovers, actually we might not be able to be friends anymore because you might give me the plague).

PLASTIC IS RUINING THE WORLD

I'm sorry to those who love plastic, but let's face it--plastic is ruining the world. 1. It takes forever to decompose 2. It causes cancer (see below) 3.Plastic parts in any product always break. Why OH WHY did we stop using metal parts in products? If you open your computer printer and look inside, all of the little wheels and moving parts are made out of plastic...they break. Plastic sucks. Companies used to make a decent strong desk lamp out of metal and it would last forever but then they realized if they use cheap ugly plastic that it will break and we will have to buy more and they can make more money. The landfills are getting full of plastic.

EAT FARMED FISH

Did you know that we are also fishing out all wild fish in the ocean. Species by species we are slowly depleting wild fish...once we fish out a certain species, "trash" fish take over and the ocean system never recovers. "Trash" fish are like weeds, if you pulled up all of your roses and daffodils your garden would just be taken over by crabgrass. The oceans are dying. Don't order exotic fishes from the Arctic.

PLASTIC IS CAUSING CANCER

I think that one of the reasons people are getting cancer is that all of our foods are stored in plastic. Plastic is made with oil...oil has carcinagins...which cause cancer. Poison, in trace amounts, is slowly seeping into all of our foods, vitamins and hair products.

DRINK COFFEE NOT TAP WATER

Frontiersmen and women who traveled across the country had hard times. A lot of them died on route because of diseases but, hands down, the pioneers that didn't die were the ones who drank coffee. That's right, drinking coffee involves boiling your water for a few minutes which kills diseases and bugs. So drink coffee not tap water for better health.

BUY AMERICAN MADE

Scared of anthrax, SARS and other airborn chemicals and diseases? Have you ever thought about the fact that air tight packages from foreign countries contain that country's air and perhaps chemicals. Creepy. You should also buy American made so that you support local sweat shops...Americans need work too. I see all of the freight ships coming OUT of Oakland and they're EMPTY...no exports, no money for American businesses...all the freight ships coming in are about to topple over with imported goods.

IF YOU'RE READING THIS....BREED LIKE A RAT!

If you're reading this it means that you are smart therefore you should breed. Make more of you. Dumb people breed like crazy, smart people need to stop talking themselves out of it and keep up.

PAY ATTENTION IN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL

If there is one mistake I made, it wasn't learning the names of all of the cloud forms. Cumulus et al. Pay attention young children, learn the cloud shape names, you might want to know them later.

FIGHT THE DRUG WAR AGAINST THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT

The Federal Government isn't trying to stop drugs, they're PUSHING DRUGS. Yes, that's right. The government wants everyone to be whacked out of their minds so that they won't wake up and be pissed off. Stoners and crackheads be warned, the government wants you to be high...you're much more malleable and too paranoid to actually do anything...if everyone was sharp minded THEN there would be a revolution but until then shut the hell up about your conspiracy theories because you are just a mere cog in the biggest conspiracy ever...keep people high and they'll be obedient!

STOP ANY MANDATES FOR DRILLING OFFSHORE IN CALIFORNIA

Shrimpmeat.net is deeply saddened by the recent threat of offshore drilling in California. I thought we overtook Iraq so that we could keep our own beaches clean.

SPAMMERS SHOULD BE ELECTROCUTED

Here's how I see it, if we're going to have capital punishment be legal...let's use it! I vote for all spammers to be fried in the chair. Anyone who makes sending spam their business is a filthy parasite and shouldn't be allowed to live.

CELL PHONES ARE DUMB or CAN YOU START A FIRE?

Cell phones are dumb and I hate calling people's cell phone numbers. I had one briefly to see what the big deal was. They suck. You pay out the nose for bad service. Every time somebody calls me on their cell, they say, "Oh sorry, can I call you back the reception here doesn't sound to good." Well...what is the point of having one if you can't even hear? And don't answer it if you can't talk! I hate it when I call one and my friend says, "Oh, I can't talk can you call some other time?" Let the goddamn voice mail get it.

I don't like call waiting either. Call waiting is rude. There is nothing more annoying than being put on hold and then having the person choose the other call over mine. What the hell is that? Does anyone have manners anymore? NOTHING is so urgent that you need to interrupt a conversation.

Which leads me to my point...I don't think that people who use cell phones know how to start a fire. I think the percentage of people that use cell phones wouldn't be able to start a small camp fire if they were in dire need because cell phones make you dependent and weaken your survival skills. People don't even know how to find their friend in a movie theater anymore. Just close your eyes.

ARNOLD SCHWARTZNEGGER FOR GOVERNOR?

Can Arnold Schwartznegger even read? Does he even have a decent enough education to run for governor of California? Could somebody please tell me why I have to live through this kind of joke? IS ANYONE THERE...HELLLO....ARNOLD FRIKKEN SCHWARTZNEGGER IS RUNNING FOR GOVERNOR OF CALIFORNIA!!! Is there anyway somebody could tie him up and deport him to Austria. Thank you. Either that or back to the Venice Beach weight lifting pen.

HEY TEXAS, WHY DON'T YOU SECEDE LIKE YOU ALWAYS WANTED TO?

Texans shouldn't be in control of the United States. I drove all over Texas recently and came to a conclusion: Texans shouldn't be in control of the United States because they don't know the first thing about the planet. 95% of the state is privately owned....therefore very few public lands. The poverty is out of hand in the panhandle...ghost town after ghost town. Most of the residents of the state of Texas are obese. George W. Bush doesn't mention how unhealthy and poor his residents are when he toutes how good he's been to them. I think he's only been good to the rich Texans.

Perhaps I wouldn't be so anti-Texas if the Federal Government wasn't being run by Texans and giving Texas a bad name. But it just seems to me that the pigheaded attitude that all land should be privately owned and the apparent lack of any natural world know-how is governing the country. Therefore I think Texas should secede or be sold to Iraq.

Texans, what do you think...is George W. a phoney?